Pastor James Conley

Fathers do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.  Ephesians 6:4 (ESV)

School is out for the Summer and that means that many families are looking for children’s activities.  Of course, a benefit is spending more time together as a family.  We have some suggestions including vacation bible schools and summer church camps in this Saltshaker.  I would like to dedicate this space to help families, parents and grandparents with ideas toward raising the youth in our lives in godliness.

We have a running joke in our family, mostly Brandon and me, where we say with a puzzled expression, “I just cannot   understand why Jedidiah throws fits like a 3-year-old?”  Well, he is just three until Friday, June 6 when he turns four.  But you get the meaning, right?  We cannot expect behavior to be beyond experience.  There is something we can do about it.

First, sarcasm is not the answer.  It is a distraction.  It provokes a child to anger.  To provoke is “to stir up purposefully.”  This only brings more friction into a relationship.  If we really want to bridge the generation gap, we as the older and wiser (questionable?), mature adults must not play with the emotions of our children.  The golden rule applies here . . . to treat others with the same respect that you desire for yourself (See Matthew 7:12).

This world is not my father’s world.  Kids today have more freedom and also more restrictions than ever.  Families are not what they used to be.  Fathers are absent from approximately 80% of single-parent homes.  The United States has the highest rate of children in single-parent households of any nation in the world.  How do we address these issues?  We don’t have the solution to reverse this cultural crisis, but we can do our part to make sure we outfit the younger generation.

When Paul writes to fathers in Ephesus and beyond, he instructs us to bring our children “up in the discipline and                  instruction of the Lord.  Where should the primary source of children’s discipleship come from?  The church?  Or the home?  Let’s say from both.  Children’s ministry leaders have been saying that it’s the parents’ responsibility.  While 51% of parents say it is the church’s responsibility.  Let’s create a culture within the church where discipleship is a focus not just a feature.  Children’s ministry leaders must partner with parents, singles and marrieds, with training and equipping them to disciple their children with our help.

Discipleship must drive direction.  Think decades and not days.  Are you modeling what discipleship looks like to your           children?  If so, believe Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.  If you, as a parent or grandparent, need directions on how to be intentional, you should know who to contact in the church to ask for help.  If you mess up, be real.  That might include asking forgiveness or humbling yourself with your kids.

Discipleship is deliberate.  We are walking in partnership as the church with families.  We share tools and they work with them in the lab of life.  Church leaders proclaim the gospel week by week, but parents need tools to work it daily with children.  Time is as important as money.  We all have the same amount of time.  Use it wisely.  We need to be intentionally making lifelong followers of Christ.

Discipleship is dialogue.  We can model and inspire children to value Christ above all else by seeing our example.  What we say, when we say it, and how we say it matters.  Words matter.  Don’t waste a sentence.  Invite children to own their speech as well.

Discipleship takes a team.  It combines a community of faith with a family at home.  The culture values individualism.  We place value on community as we disciple kids.  God has placed us together as parents and church to do this good work.  Together, we are stronger than on our own.  The chief good and end of man is to glorify God and enjoy him forever.

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American First Policy Institute, Fatherlessness Facts, THE STAND, June 2025, Volume 49, No. 5, page 21.            Creating a Culture of Discipleship in the Church, Sam Luce, Awana Clubs International, 2024.